Reality Shows, Sports Competitions and Really Confused “Christians”

Either I’m really confused, or a lot of other people are really confused.

Not surprisingly, my sensibilities and my ego lean toward the latter.

Because even though I’m far from being a Biblical scholar, I consider myself a fairly intelligent person. And based on everything I’ve read and been taught, being a Christian means believing and following the teachings of Christ.

Period.

But there seem to be a lot of people who think that being a Christian doesn’t have as much to do with what you do, but instead has everything to do with what you profess to believe. On top of that, these same people seem to think that calling themselves Christian means God will give them what they want based on this “badge of honor” they proudly wear.

While this seems completely off base to me, there are a lot of people who believe the concept.

Just watch reality TV or sports competitions.

I’m not particularly proud of the fact, but being the dork that I am, I’m a fan of the television shows “Survivor” and  ”The Amazing Race.”

(As a disclaimer, I watch these shows because I’m fascinated by the personal dynamics and contestant interactions. In other words I’m simply doing research for the book I’m going to write someday. At least that’s my story and I’m sticking to it.)

But in watching these shows, I’ve also noticed a trend: every season, there are contestants who not only proclaim that they are Christian, but believe that because of this, they’ve got some kind of upper hand in the competition.  In subsequent episodes, they continue to pray and claim that God is on their side and, therefore, they have the advantage.

Call me a cynic, but I’m pretty sure God’s top priorities have nothing to do with who wins a reality TV show.

I’m beginning to wonder if I’m in the minority, though, since a lot of people are buying into this whole “Christians have the upper hand in pretty much pointless competitions” theory.

I’ve seen it time and time again in sports.  Athletes describe themselves as  ”a Christian,” and because of that, they claim God is on their side.

Really?

For some reason, I seriously doubt that God is spending precious time ensuring that the team that prays the most or has the most self-proclaimed Christians is THE team that wins a championship.

Instead,  I’m thinking that God’s top priorities have something to do with how we treat and care for each other.

But then again, maybe I’m interpreting Jesus’ message differently.  Because I completely buy into the simplified version shared by a friend the other day:  ”Love God and love each other.”

I don’t think that winning a competition for money or fame falls under either of these commands.  I also don’t think prayers are intended to be wish lists for everything we want in life.

As my mother once told me “Don’t pray for what you want. Pray that God gives you the strength, the skills and the direction to deal with the situations you are handed.”

Makes perfect sense to me.

But then, I’m not trying to win a reality TV show or a major sports competition.

I’m just stumbling through life trying to figure out how to spend less time irritated with people and more time doing what I think Jesus meant by “being Christian.”

It’s hard, but on those days when I feel like I’ve made a bit of progress, I feel like a winner.

And that’s the kind of winner I think God is hoping we strive to be.

I Can Suggest Where to Stick Your Labels

While in the car the other day, I was randomly scanning radio stations when I inadvertently heard a guy who, in my opinion, was giving questionable advice about how to wipe out bullying.

I didn’t give much credence to his advice for three reasons.  First, I found him really annoying. That in and of itself really shouldn’t reflect on the validity of his advice – - but it did reflect on my opinion of him and everything he said.   Secondly, he was talking in sound bites, and I’ve come to believe sound bites are specifically designed to prevent people from having to  think.  It allows them to repeat something they’ve heard as an absolute truth without knowing all the facts or putting it into context.

And the third reason?

His simple solution was  aimed at changing the behavior of young people without addressing the bigger issue: the adults – -  the people who are supposed to be the role models – - who are actually the worst perpetrators. We just don’t call it bullying.

Sometimes we call  it politics. Sometimes we call it religion. And sometimes we call it patriotism.

But no matter what we call it, we are simply using acceptable terms to hide the fact that we are practicing the same behaviors as bullies:  using labels to belittle those who threaten our beliefs  and/or our lifestyle  while using other labels to build ourselves up.

I know. I’ve been there. On both sides of that label making frenzy.

I’ve sometimes deemed people who consider themselves conservatives as being self-centered and dogmatic individuals who care more about their own bank accounts than they do about the welfare of others,  especially  those who are different or less fortunate.  I’ve characterized them as people who frame every  issue within the lens of their own life circumstances, struggles and successes rather than considering a broad range of factors.

That’s  not always accurate or fair.   But even though I know a lot of very intelligent, kind-hearted and well-intentioned conservatives, those labels are still there, niggling at the back of my mind and sometimes escaping my lips.

But then, I got labeled.  I was told that liberals don’t  believe in personal responsibility or living within their means and we don’t like rich people just because they are rich.

For me, nothing can be further from the truth.

But when it comes to labels, the truth doesn’t seem to matter all that much. What matters is they are having a very negative impact on our lives.

For those who want to control our votes,  labels make a great tool for dividing us, swaying public opinion and preventing people from digging deeper into the real issues.  When we are busy pointing fingers or ridiculing others  as being wrong or misguided based on their label, we aren’t engaging in genuine discussions or discovering areas of mutual agreement and understanding. We are simply falling into a trap that’s been set out for us.

Lately, I’ve been trying to avoid that trap for very personal reasons.

I can’t tell my children that name calling and bullying are wrong if I’m not setting a good example. That doesn’t t mean I can’t still be opinionated or call out actions and behaviors that are wrong or against my beliefs. But that’s very different from labeling a person or a group of people  with broad generalizations.

It’s not easy, but it just may be worth the effort. If nothing else, I feel like it’s helping me become a more patient person.

And that’s a  label I’m willing to stick with.

Not to Brag, But Apparently I’m a Really Stupid Failure

In the last few weeks, I’ve been told I’m a stupid failure.

That was news to me.

Up to this point, I always thought I was a fairly bright person and a contributing member of society.

According to some people, I was wrong.

I was wrong because none of my accomplishments have involved making significant amounts of money, and that is how some people define success.

It doesn’t matter that, during my entire academic career spanning high school through graduate school, the lowest grade I ever received was a B. (Just for the record, two of those three B’s occurred when I was an undergraduate less focused on academics and more focused on having fun.)

I’m apparently stupid because I think that caring for other people is more important than accumulating wealth.

It doesn’t matter that I had a professor in graduate school who told me I was the brightest student he’d ever taught.

I’m apparently stupid because I thought the American dream was built on the concepts of dignity and respect for all people — not just for those who share the same religious or political beliefs or for those who have large bank accounts.

It doesn’t matter that I’ve developed and implemented programs that help people who were struggling.

I’m apparently stupid because I didn’t realize those people didn’t deserve any help since it was their own fault that they couldn’t make ends meet.

And, on top of being stupid, I’m also apparently a failure because I have never had a big salary or retirement plan myself.

Not only have I never made a big salary, but I also respect other people who don’t make big salaries:  social workers, teachers and people who work for nonprofit organizations or small businesses that often can’t afford to offer health insurance or any other benefits. I also respect people who work hard in tough jobs that have poor pay and benefits, even when the company can afford to pay them but chooses to reward the CEOs instead.

These are the people trying to support their families but are hanging on by a thread.  These  are people who have diligently made their mortgage payments every month only to see the value of their homes drop well below what they owe because big business, not big government, was  jacking up the price of houses by giving loans to those who couldn’t afford them. These are the people who have seen their savings dwindle and their bills grow.

And then there are the people whom most of us take for granted.  The people who are almost invisible but who do the jobs someone has to do. The people who do work hard at often unpleasant  jobs with no respect. Apparently, I’m stupid for thinking we should appreciate people like the maids, the janitors, the nursing homes aids, etc. who don’t make much money and often receive no benefits.  I’m stupid for thinking we should take some responsibility for ensuring these individuals get their basic needs met.

And I’m apparently a stupid failure because I can recognize how so many politicians are more beholden to the big dollars that can finance their campaigns than they are to the people they serve.  As someone said to me this week, “Most politicians don’t like poor people.”  Of course they don’t. Poor people don’t have any connections or dollars to make large campaign contributions.  Neither do most middle-class Americans for that matter, but poor people make an especially easy target to vilify as being lazy and undeserving.

And because of my beliefs, my values and my career, I’m being called a stupid failure by those who think differently than I do.

Ironically, I’m wearing that label proudly.

After all, I’m pretty sure stupid failures with similar passion and beliefs are the people who make big changes in our world.  We are, after all, too stupid to know any better.

Lesbian Is Not a Dirty Word

Relationships with other parents were so much simpler when my children were little. That’s  primarily because we all had the same rules for our children: share with each other, don’t hit when you get mad and don’t throw temper tantrums, especially not in public.

But as our children get older, the issues become more complicated. And so do the relationships with other parents.  Because the tougher the issues are, the more likely the adults are to have different values and opinions.

Take the issue of love and relationships.

My husband and I have always believed in tolerance and love. It doesn’t matter who you love. What matters is that you do love and, hopefully, are loved back.  The power of love is so much greater than bigotry and hate, and  we’ve tried to pass down that value to our children.

But not everyone shares that value.  There are those people who believe that there is a right kind of love and a wrong kind of love.  And they pass that value down to their children.

Unfortunately in that process, they try to pass their values down to other children too.

Take a recent incident in the neighborhood.  Like so much neighborhood drama, it started on the school bus.

A neighbor boy called my daughter and her BFF lesbians.

My daughter was completely unaffected by the comment.  She probably would have  forgotten about it if her best friend hadn’t told her father, who completely freaked out. In fact, I wouldn’t have even know about the incident if  the BFF’s parents hadn’t felt the need to include me in on their concerns.

“They were called a name,” the frantic father told me.

“What name?” I asked.

“I can’t say it in front of the girls,” he said. “When they are older and learn what it means, it will scar them.”

This seemed ridiculous to me since his daughter had obviously heard “the name” and had repeated it  to him.  But, my daughter, who never misses anything, reinforced the concept.

“I already know what ‘it’ means,” she said.

At this point, I was still completely unaware of what “it” was, but my daughter caught my confusion.  ”Lesbian,” she whispered.

The BFF’s father looked a bit confused then muttered, “Well my daughter doesn’t know what it means.”

Being raised not to think any of this was a big deal, my daughter immediately chimed in, “Yes she does. I told her.”

Here’s the deal.  If my son or daughter even mentions an issue related to sex or sexuality, I make sure to contribute to the conversation. I want to ensure they get the facts. I’ve seen the research that shows the more accurate  information youth have, the more likely they are to make safe choices when the time comes.  Which means there are a lot of interesting, and honest, conversations in my house.

Apparently, those conversations aren’t happening in the home of my daughter’s BFF.  Instead, she’s  getting her sex education on the school bus.

After getting over his initial shock that my ten-year old daughter had told his ten-year old daughter what a lesbian is, the BFF’s  father ranted on.

I only heard a small part of what he was saying.  First, I knew I didn’t agree with his concerns.  My only concern was that any of the children would use lesbian as a derogatory term.  Of course, in the world of ten-year-olds,  it was intended to be an insult to two girls who don’t yet shave their legs (which is apparently what the conversation was about). Secondly,  I was  thinking  there are a  lot worse names my daughter could have been called.

Regardless of my attention to his rant,  my daughter WAS listening because she later wanted to know if lesbian is a dirty word. (My daughter’s new obsession is dirty words,  and she’s hyper-vigilant as to anything that even has the appearance of being one.) And even though I reassured her that it wasn’t, she still seems very concerned.  Over  the last week, I feel like I’ve spent more time undoing the negative influence of the BFF’s father than I ever had to spend on conveying that love is ALWAYS a good thing.

“No,” I told her. “Lesbian is not a dirty word. Prejudice is a dirty word. Bigotry is a dirty word. Hate is a dirty word. But not lesbian. It’s a clean word.”

She seems a bit confused  that  none of the words I  recited were on her list of dirty words, but I know that, through my persistence, they’ll land on her list eventually.

After all, I know a dirty word when I hear one.